Gradually, I fall in love with the deep night, only at this time, could I understand myself deeply. What should I do? How to deal with the relationship between people and me. What is the mission of my future？ The night is quiet and long, there were so many things could be done at this time. Now I am just writing down what I have thought in those days.
In recent time, my world changed. I am thinking how to describe those changing. It just likes that dark clouds surround me. I became a emotionless boy, especially, I am smileless with people and interesting things. I have to admit that I am a No-smile man. Most of the time, I'd like to deal with somethings with smileless. Maybe Everyone around me think so. It's true! I am a serious man. I hate myself that I want not to be this kind of man. I stay in this college environment, I face too much people and things, I think too much about everything that I met, I am spend much time on dealing with the relationship between people and things. The biggest things that I afraid is baffling others. I have to balance so many things that I am tired to face them, I lose the courages of facing. Sometimes I thought I need a way to escape the world, I lose too much, I hate it, I hate myself. why! why he is me!
I don't know which one is my love， whether they were people or things. I just stand around them alone, I chose one which I think I like in them, but I can not get it really, so, I failed, the sad mood make me choose another one strongly, I am tired, it's all my fault. When I am in a heavy heart, there are two ways which I could choose to escape those bad mood. I hit the wall with my fist so many times and take myself, maybe only in those painful ways can I express those
unhappiness emotion. I love sports deeply, sport is a means of releasing stress, I'd like to run until I couldn't breath, my brain is blank at that time, I forgot that unhappy things and people who break my heart.After that, I'd like to kneeling on the desk of the library and sleep with tears, maybe. Next day, I alive!
I can not deal with relationship between people and things well. I often injure someone in the unconscious, as your good friend, I should have been able to avoid certain things happening, but I didn't, it's my fault, I am not a qualified friend, I apologize to you. Maybe, my concern is not you at that time. I care about so much that I miss so much.
No matter what people or things, I can't get what I want. I am crazy and tired on it, I lost the previous one, and I left alone. Those people and things are like a cage to me, I will forget them all and do everything I love when I can not stand it.In that case, I'll break out one day. Since the world is so against me, I will change the world.I want to change everything I can change. World chooses me, I change the world, this is fair.
I bet that I will win!
I'm tired, SHIT!